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Thursday, May 08, 2003
For the last few days I've felt depressed. I guess there are several reasons why I could feel depressed, but it's unusual for me to feel just emotionally like a flat line. Usually if I get upset, something triggers it during the day but I really haven't had anything on a daily basis to bring this on I don't think. On most days I can wake up in the morning, and even though I'm not one you would call a ''morning person'' I can at least feel good, rested even. Lately though, I still wake up with that same flat line, mildly depressed funkiness that won't leave me yet. In fact, I was commenting to someone the other day that recently it also seems that I get up in the morning at least after a solid 7 or 8 hours of rest and I don't even feel rested. One thing that has me disappointed recently is the studio piano recital that I'm supposed to be having for my kids on June 14. I used to have these every year in the parish center of the Church related to the school where I used to work. So this year, having more space in my house and a small studio I thought, well, I can rent a grand piano and move my furniture out of the living room and have it there. I called two piano stores who do rentals, one wanted $250 round trip, the other wanted $400. So that's out of the question. After calling around to various places I called a local piano/music store where I often go to buy books and materials and such and turns out, I had totally overlooked the fact that they have a recital room in their store. It's usually a place where they keep their organs but they can turn it into a recital room as well. And they will ''rent'' the room for to you for FREE. And it's a nice room. And they'll hook us up with a nice grand piano. You can't beat that. Well obviously, I wasn't about to pass that opportunity up, so I booked it for June 14. I happily sent a letter to all of the parents regarding the recital. Then as it turns out, only four students can attend the recital. Four students out of thirteen. People are taking off to vacations for along time right after school gets out and this week, I lost two new and good students due to financial reasons. I guess that upset me as well. So now I have everything that I would have needed for the recital, but only four students to play in it. This bothers me on another level as well. I work really hard with each of my students. I really mold their playing, really make them work hard and it bugs the crap out of me when they don't take the opportunity to perform. It's also important to me that the parents come out and see all of the children play, especially the parents of beginners. I like to make sure that each of them sees where I can take their child as well, you know? On a (hopefully) daily basis they only hear the plink, plink, plink of their kids' playing, not the other kids whom I teach playing beautiful pieces by Bach, Chopin and Beethoven. It's my chance in a sense to show those particular parents, LOOK! See this?? This is the goal!! Anyway, I guess that's all about that. I'm headed to Italian class tonight. Maybe being around people and learning will get me in a better mood. I miss the comraderie of my French class. Actually I miss comraderie in general. I spend too much time by myself these days I think, especially since I'm home during the day so much while Martin is working. Most of the time I'm fine with that- I can deal with being alone because I'm an only child and when you're an only child you're used to being alone. But then also, there comes a time when you just really need to be with people, talk about random stuff, enjoy each other's company. I think instead of doing so many Home Depot projects here at the house Martin and I are going to have to go out and do some fun stuff soon. I'm starting to feel wicked old. |