Came back this evening from my Italian class where during the break I attempted to use French in speech. Not easy when German words are trying to come out. Annoying. It seems that in my brain so far, there are three steady compartments: the English compartment, the Spanish compartment and the German compartment. These three compartments don't get confused. I don't confuse any of those 3 languages. Now add in French. I guess my French is still struggling to really set up it's own compartment. But apparently, my German compartment is somehow fighting with the new struggling French one. It's almost as my French one is half-established- fine with grammar, fine with writing things out- fine with understanding when someone speaks in French- totally overrun with German when it comes to using the language verbally. I'm really going to have to work on that. I don't want to loose what I've worked so hard to learn in the last year. As far as my Italian class goes, it's enjoyable but unfortunately moves at a snail's pace. The people in the class are awfully nice and I'm becoming friends with one in particular who is a French woman and she was speaking to me in French today and that's what prompted the paragraph at all. My brain was throwing out German instead of French. Very annoying! I need to work on this...

I have spoken to several of my closest friends during the last few days, all who seem to agree with me on the following. We're all perfectly sociable people and at this point in our lives, not one of us have anyone locally to just hang out with. It's so odd. If I want to chat with a friend, I have to dial long distance. That's wicked annoying as well. Why is that? During the last year I managed to make at least friend/acquaintances with people at my French class. At USF, it was the total opposite. I may have gotten to know one person (whom I really don't think I can trust) and another girl who in the last few weeks I got to know. No one really talked to her either, I think mostly because she is quite eccentric but I don't mind that at all. I like eccentric. Just the same, it was weird for me because all my life I've been pretty good at making and keeping friends but recently, not so much. During the day I wish that there were other people whom I could call and speak to or maybe go out for a cup of coffee or something you know? Like I used to do all through college!! College ended six years ago!! Since then I've worked at two different places. And everywhere it seemed that the people were much older than me, and really, I guess that they didn't want to really hang out with a twenty-something kid. Even at the school, I was 26 when I left which isn't really that young, and yes, I did manage to have some friends by the end, but again, all much older than me. Anyway, I wonder why it is so difficult to connect these days. Maybe it's because at this age I'm in somewhat of a transitional period. People my age go from single to married, no kids to kids. Maybe people my age are off forming their own families. I don't know.

You know it's not even entirely with people locally. I really try to make the effort to keep in touch with my family and some of my cousins and even with some old friends but I really find that to be difficult as well. I really appreciate the friends to who reciprocate that effort. I have one friend especially who is incredibly busy all of the time in a stressful job and somehow she still manages to call me once a week or once every couple of weeks. In fact, I feel bad because both of the last Sundays she has called I haven't been able to talk to her for one reason or another. I need to take care of that. Then I have other friends who call. But sometimes I reach out to people and they just don't care. That annoys me. I'm thinking of two of my younger family members at the moment who I feel keep me at arm's length. I wish they wouldn't. I really like them. And I don't think it's because I'm trying too hard. It's not like I call them every day or even every month for that matter.

I guess this is especially poignant to me at the moment because within the last few days, I've been thinking some about my grandfather (on my dad's side.) Martin and I both got to talking about our paternal grandfathers, both of which were taken from us at a time when we didn't have much of a relationship with them. In my particular case, I reached out. I wanted to get to know him better, especially as I got older. He was a brilliant businessman and there was so much that I would have loved to have learned from him, so many stories I could have heard, so much dirt I could have collected dirt on my father. (My father recently told me a story about himself when he was a student at a Catholic school in Havana. He was thrown out of the school for mimicking a priest's Latin during Mass. He took the rhythm of what the priest had just said in Latin but turned it into a profane statement. And to think my Dad was so freaking strict with me as I grew up! Can you believe this??) But instead during the time he was alive he would rush you off the phone and he was somewhat inaccessible. When I would go visit he's stock up the fridge with Klondike Bars because he knew I liked them and sodas and all sorts of junk food. I couldn't possibly eat everything that he bought. He'd buy pizza. He was great with the buying of junk food. But as far as sharing of life part, yeah, not so good. I missed out on that. I wish I hadn't.

Well anyway, for any of you reading this, reach out to people especially family ones and foster the relationships that you can. It's important.

Martha at 11:33 PM