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Friday, June 20, 2003
 
Okay so I've been bitching a lot lately so I'm going to list a few things that I am grateful for today.

1. I am grateful that we had a peaceful day today.
2. I am grateful for all the rain we have had in the last few days.
3. I am grateful for people who are thoughtful. I received some unexpected gift certificates to the Outback Steakhouse from some sweet students.
4. I am grateful for the surprise gift that I received today from Kilwin's icecream. I wrote them an e-mail to ask a question and they sent me two bottles of icecream topping- one hot fudge, one caramel.
5. I am grateful for my family.
6. I am grateful for my husband.
7. I am grateful for supportive friends.
8. I am grateful that my rosebush has a so many new buds on it. I am grateful in advance for the beautiful display of flowers it will provide me with soon.
9. I am grateful that I have such a great group of piano students and parents to work with. Tomorrow is their piano recital and no matter how it goes, I am grateful to be a part of their lives and hope that I enrich it in some meaningful way.
10. I am grateful for our house, which provides me with much comfort.



 
Okay. So things are more stable now. Or so it seems at this point. Today I went to get a manicure at a nice day spa here, which is like an oasis to me. When things aren't feeling right, I go visit Zuzanna there and things seems a little better afterwards. After my appointment, I went to my aunt Ofelia's apartment which is just a few blocks down. She wasn't looking that well today, she looked really tired. But I hung out with her for an hour or so and told her stories about how things have been going and she just laughed and laughed.

Last night we took them all out to dinner at Sam Seltzer's Steakhouse here in Sarasota. If any of you ever come visit me, you can rest assured that I will NOT take you to Sam Seltzer's. One event after the other, the whole evening was a complete disaster, falling ceiling tiles and splashing water included. My parents, his parents, bad service, bad combination. Since I've gotten so much practice at confronting people when things suck because of my house transaction recently, I was very good at telling the manager what I thought of his restaurant and when he was an asshole back, I was very capable of telling him off. It's so odd that I should be proud of this skill.

This evening although the weather here has been horrid, we barbecued. I had some nice porkchops in the freezer which I marinated in some barbecue sauce and then slowly cooked. It tasted really good. At the end of dinner, I got irritated because Martin and his parents were involved in a discussion regarding what they should do during their visit. Now keep in mind, this isn't Miami. We don't have a million things to do. But there are some nice things to do on this coast, many of which his parents like to shoot down when they are suggested. When one agrees that that might be interested, the other says, but what if I don't like it?
At which point this evening, rather emphatically, and in English, that they need to be flexible. There's a cool museum in Tampa called MOSI and Martin's father said he might like that. Then his mother was like, but I don't think I'll like it. Then I said, well we can go to International Plaza afterwards to which she replied but then they won't like it. To which I answered, WHO CARES???? Who cares if they don't like it? There are couches and comfy chairs all over the place where they can just sit and watch people as we shop. You all have to be flexible. They just sort of looked at me like uh, okay and then I left for Target to go pick up some things.

My answer to their incessant whining and indecision is that this evening I went onto the tourism websites for my area and wrote down a million things that one can do. Then, I wrote out a calendar on a piece of paper and while talking to Martin, planned out the next fifteen days of their life. Afterwards, I typed it up all nice, printed it out and taped it on their door. Tomorrow morning they can look it over. If they don't like it, too bad. It's not like a.) They haven't dictated my life while I've visited in Germany and b.) they didn't bring any suggestions of their own to the table. We'll see how this all goes over tomorrow morning!

I just realized that it's 12:30 a.m. here and I have to get up at around 8-ish for my walk. I overslept today and didn't go. Bad me. Can't do that again.



Tuesday, June 17, 2003
 
There are certain people in this world whom one can spend time with and feel energized and happy afterwards. Then there are certain people in this world who rob you of your energy and are toxic. I have the latter in my house right now.

I'm still upset about last night. What started out as a funny happening at dinner quickly turned into someone insulting me and the way I do things. And it didn't stop with just one comment, but a continuous grunt or other verbal reminder for long after. I did quickly answer back a couple of times, but the obnoxious behavior continued. I threw some stuff in the dishwasher and went to the computer in order to vent at someone. Dominique was still online, so I did. You can see the end result of that conversation below.

Just the same, my husband (who is acting extremely German right now) thinks I'm making too much of this, that I'm taking it too personally. The fact of the matter is that what she did is completely unacceptable behavior. You can't just sit at someone's dining room table and insult them while they are a guest for three weeks in your house. As I was in my bath last night trying to get my heart rate to settle the hell down (still hasn't) I thought about the people whom I normally invite into my life. I realized that none of these people would intentionally hurt my feelings or insult me. Disagree? Absolutely. I have friends whom I disagree with and who disagree with me. I have friends who do things that I wouldn't do. But there is a mutual respect that I really appreciate. I also realized that none of the friends in my life are really ''takers.'' Just as much as a friend might need you at one point for support, they turn around and give support as well. I really appreciate that too.
As I have become older, I have become more and more protective of the people that I invite into my life. Earlier in my life I had a time of ''cleaning house'' you could say. I got rid of toxic people. I couldn't take it anymore. I can't particularly agree with the way that I dispensed of one of them in particular but well they're gone and I think my life is better for it.

The question is, how do I deal with the toxic entity in my house right now? And though she'll be gone in 3 weeks, not to be seen for a long time again, this is someone who came in a package I guess you could say. This is my husband's mother. I can't just dispense of this person. I have to keep dealing with it. And in they're culture, there's no sit down to talk about feelings. That just doesn't happen. In their matter of thinking, if what I said bothers you, that's your problem. So she speaks words, but doesn't take responsibility for their effect.

I called my mother last night (whom I often tangle with but we yell at each other, get it all out in the open and then it's over) and I told her what happened. She's been trying hard to encourage me to be nice, try to make their stay as easy as possible, etc., etc. I told her this and she didn't know what to say. Frankly at this moment, I would really like to move back into their house. I doubt that they'll let me.

I told my husband while we were waiting at the airport that I would see him in three weeks. He asked, why? I said, because you act different around your parents. Way different. He didn't understand. But it's true. He's much colder, not very sensitive. It's like he has two identities. He is totally ''not there'' for me right now.

UGH. Get me out of here.



Monday, June 16, 2003
 
Given the recent, somewhat negative events at dinner I think this is the most fun thing to post regarding it.

Dominique says: did you ever contemplate your flower?
MarthicaAna says: NO
MarthicaAna says: but boy this is a good time to do it
Dominique says: what the fuck you waiting for?
MarthicaAna says: hahahahahhhahhahaha

I'm going to go take a bath now.