Well since I last posted, things went from bad to much worse. Now they're okay superficially- but someone who thinks that I'm evil is treating me rather nicely. And this is without all of us having sat down and worked through feelings and thoughts and such. Apparently it's not something they do. It's all very confusing but the drama in this area should be over in perhaps a week.

I really take pride in my home. Not because it's some sort of palace or anything, but just because it has been a concern of mine to make this house a comfortable place to be. I'm surrounded by things that I love, pictures that I love- pictures that remind me of places where I felt good, pictures of people who I love. I really feel (especially when just newly cleaned) that there's a good energy bouncing around my house. A happy energy. I think that's important. One needs a refuge where one can feel safe. I can describe it this way- when I'm in my house I feel ''hugged.'' You know? Comfy.

In the last couple of weeks, especially two days ago, I let my refuge be turned into a battlefield. My peaceful equillibrium was thrown off and I felt very uncomfortable. I was hiding at my parents' house, purposely staying away. I can't tell you that there is much I could have done differently to have this not occur in my house. The question is, how do I deal with it so that it doesn't happen again? I mean, things are peaceful now, but will they be for the rest of the week?

When speaking to a friend yesterday about my situation, she suggested that perhaps I should directly confront this person when they act up again. The thing is, is that they don't complain about me to me, they complain about me to my husband. And when he went back to perhaps let them know about certain behaviors of theirs that were insulting or disrespectful, they're much like Ronald Regan and the Iran Contra Affair. They ''don't recall.'' It's really middle school. One person said to me today not to do anything at all. To try to stay classy, not respond at her level. I don't know what to do. I don't know which is best to curtail this type of behavior.

I've gotten too good at speaking my mind, but not in this area. I guess things can be touchy when concerning in-laws. When we had a disasterous dining experience last week and the manager of the restaurant was a complete jerk, I let him have it. This evening, I let a complete stranger have it. I was at Publix and we were standing at the cash register doing our little ATM transaction when I noticed that our cashier, a young man, had gone back to the old lady to help her unload her cart. I looked over just when she said to him in an extremely nasty manner, I didn't call you over, I called him (referring to the old man who bags groceries- he was also helping unload.) It was so obvious to me that the cashier was only acting out of kindness. I was infuriated immediately by her rudeness. I looked at her and said, ''You know I really think we should be thankful for people who are kind and who care about others and offer help. They're so rare in this world, don't you think?'' The woman just glared at me and the cashier said thank you as he handed us our receipts. I could tell he appreciated me standing up for him. Seriously people- it's not often that we get to witness random acts of kindness. And when they happen, I think it best to be grateful and not bitch, you know? I'm really not tolerating rudeness very well lately. I'm out of control with this telling off thing. I've changed so much. If this were me years ago, I'd be sitting here berating myself for not saying anything. I would be thinking of all the things I could have said. I guess it's good that I don't live with that regret anymore. You know some people complain about getting older. Well I can only be happy because of the confidence the years have brought me.

Martha at 11:25 PM